While Swifties are eagerly counting down the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until Taylor Swift drops her re-recorded Red album, one person who is probably not going to be hosting any listening parties is Jake Gyllenhaal.
WATCH: Why Jake Gyllenhaal “didn’t marry” Taylor Swift
Ahh yes… Jake, the man rumoured to have inspired the album itself, in particular the devastating ballad All Too Well. It’s the tune that metaphorically reaches into our guts and punches us profusely until we are, ironically, a crumpled up piece of paper.
It’s gotta sting, you know, being the subject of a song that birthed the line “you call me up again just to break me like a promise / so casually cruel in the name of being honest”. JG, man, what exactly did you say to Taylor on the phone??
Meanwhile Adam Young from Owl City gets the magically poetic: “I was enchanted to meet you” and “Please don’t be in love with someone else”.
While the latter song, Enchanted, is currently trending on TikTok, All Too Well remains firmly on Swifties’ minds as blondie prepares to drop the 10-minute version (we’re All Too Unwell at the prospect of this), along with a short film featuring Sadie Sink, 19, and Dylan O’Brien, 30.
Some have questioned the age gap between the actors, but others have suggested it could represent the 10-year difference between Taylor and Jake during their whirlwind romance – which ended after around two months and reportedly inspired All Too Well.
With many Swifties relating to the raw heartbreak exuding throughout each line of the song, some are… um… concerned for Jake Gyllenhaal when the 10-minute version and video both drop.
We can already picture his DMs being filled with messages from protective and heartbroken Swifties, littered with red scarf emojis to represent the one Taylor left at his sister’s house.
Needless to say, people are worried for the swarm and they’ve taken to Twitter to send their um… condolences we guess?? … to the actor.
Ooft. Yeah, out of Taylor’s exes, John Mayer in particular may want to turn off his notifications the day that Dear John is re-released.
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